The truth about the candidates.

Hello all!
With voting approching, I thought it would be a good idea to set the record strait about our two candidates. So far, both of the candidates have tried to show just how "great" and "honest" they are, but in actuality they both are hiding a dark and secret past. Through great effort on the parts of the official independent party dirt searcher team(me) we have uncovered the truth!
First we will take a look at the supposed "candidate for the minority" Dallin Earl. Mr. Earl has built his platform on equality, freedom, and justice, But did you know at one time Mr. Earl was a member of the extremist right-wing group "The Constitution Freedom Alliance"? Some of the groups most notorious activities include: stealing money from homeless people, going on frequent "gun parades" (or rather, walking up and down the streets with guns in their hands screaming the virtues of lifting of gun bans), reenact stories from the bible in city capitals(mostly with an anti-gay message), and perhaps most (in)famously, back on new years 1999, the group took to the rooftops and skeet-shot pro-choice pamphlets, bags of green tea, and adoption papers for gay couples, littering the ground with ideology. The group officially disbanded in 2003 when most of the members spent their life saving to move to Afghanistan to hunt down Osama Bin Laden by themselves.
And what about the other candidate Scott Brady? Is he anymore innocent than his opponent? Sadly he is not, Mr. Brady, now a staunch republican, was once known as the extremist left DJ: MC Government Handout. He is well know for many underground hits, including: the heavily plagiarized mo' carbon mo' problems, a song dedicated to raising awareness of global warming. No Sleep till Princeton, a song praising the college and his experience there. In 2003 MC Government handout released his last known song: "Give me your guns, I give you a hug", a departure from his previous work this hip hop ballad pleads to the Islamic terrorists to put down their guns and give peace a chance. In his last know public appearance, MC Government Handout, joined by Bono and Jane Fonda had an emotion filled funeral for a tree that had recently died in the woods behind Ms. Fonda's home. In 2005, MC Government Handout left the liberal hip hop scene after learning the Micheal Moore lied in the film Fahrenheit 9/11.
I truly hope that these 100% true facts about the candidates has opened your eyes and now you will vote with a more clear picture of who these candidates are.
-Ryan Colton